Since former President Donald Trump began calling COVID-19 the “China virus” and tweeting the term “kung flu,” Asians and Asian Americans across the country have faced an increasingly wide range of discrimination and vitriol.
From verbal insults to physical attacks, nearly 3,800 incidents were reported over the course of the last year, according to Stop AAPI Hate, a national coalition addressing anti-Asian discrimination.
But this type of demonizing rhetoric and discrimination didn’t start with Trump. It goes at least as far back as the 1870s, when Chinese immigrants were made out to be “medical scapegoats” as diseases such as cholera, smallpox and yellow fever took hold of cities in California.
Since then, from the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882 to the threat of deportation of Vietnamese refugees this year, immigration and economic policies have continued to target the Asian community.
Still, the onslaught of recent attacks over the past year, including a mass shooting in Atlanta that killed eight people, including six Asian women, has shaken the community and its allies to the core.
We spoke to Asian Americans in New York at recent anti-hate rallies, in conversations over the phone and through email about what their identity means to them in this moment of turmoil.
Conversations have been condensed and edited for clarity.
Kathryn & Linda Shin
Kathryn: A lot of people think Asian Americans are "statistically insignificant" because we keep our heads down, we work hard—whatever the model minority is—but this country is built on the backs of immigrants.
Linda: [Hearing the sheriff say the shooter was “having a bad day”] was the hardest thing to hear. The racism narrative is so strong. They're so desperate to preserve their own innocence that they'll erase our story and our truth in order for them to believe the narrative that's in the public of the innocent white man. But I had a visceral reaction when he said that—I'm sure a lot of people felt that. Yeah, that was gnarly.
Kathryn: I don't want to be afraid to go outside at night, and I don't want to be afraid. As a woman, you're always a little nervous at night, but I think especially now, you don't know what could happen. Suffocating isn't the right word, but it's just another thing I have to think about —being young, being a woman, being out at night, being an Asian woman being out at night.
Linda: The dialogue that's happening right now has forced me to look back on my own personal history and dissect certain things that I felt at the time and wondering if it was, "Was that a racist comment?" And realizing, "Yes." I have a right to be angry at what may be perceived as just a joke. That's the thing. It's a lot of these subtle microaggressions.
Mary Luke & Pamela Sah
Mary Luke: We're here because we need to make a statement about the hate against Asian Americans. I'm a grandmother and I do not want my grandchildren to be seen as objects of hate. I want them to be seen as they are—as American, as well as Asian American. This hate has to stop.
Pamela Sah: I'm here because these increasing crimes and acts of hatred against Asian Americans have not been covered by the media. They haven't been discussed. It's been completely invisible and it sends the message that we don't matter until we get to this point.
Tomoko Oki
I am emotionally and physically beyond exhausted. That is the true feeling.
I lived in Philadelphia during college back in the '90s, where the city of Philadelphia was very rough. I was very cautious when I was out, day or night. However, I have never felt scared to be in public because of my ethnicity. Now, I am very afraid of going outside and my body gets tense as if someone might attack me in any direction. I also feel that I have to hide my identity in public. For example, walking from the parking lot to a store inside the mall, my immediate reaction was to cover my head with my hoodie.
For my Asian brothers and sisters, we need to make sure we take care of ourselves.
Also, as a whole, we need to learn more about Asian cultures and history and what Asian communities have contributed to build this county.
Hate is a virus. Hate won't resolve anything, but I am hopeful with the new Biden administration, I know that there will be a positive change in the future.
Samantha Coria
Being Asian American in this moment means that I’m taking every experience of feeling like the "other," every moment where my identity and origin were questioned, answering where I’m "really" from - and knowing that I’m not alone. What’s happening in this country is scary. But I am just as American as every American in this country. The entire AAPI community is part of this country. And it feels like there is a light that’s being shed on our collective experience, which gives me a lot of hope.
Francis Maling
When the news broke out last week about the spa shootings, I felt immobilized. I felt a tremendous amount of pain and grief knowing that, potentially, mothers got killed. I'm very close to my own mom. I really felt the need to protect our elderly. I’m feeling tons of pain, and I feel like there's no sense of help coming our way.
I do want people to understand that this is a necessary moment for us to act. As a young Asian American entrepreneur, I try to engage in conversations through my own barbecue in Woodside, Queens. I try to hang up signs with "Stop the hate" or visuals for Angelo Quinto [a young Filipino man who died after police officers from the Antioch Police Department knelt on him for five minutes]. A lot of us have shared experiences through all these bad things that are happening. We can't ignore that these things are happening.
Tony
I'm just really tired. I'm tired of the pandemic. I'm tired of the hate. I'm tired that we are gathering here for all of these injustices. I'm just tired.
Growing up in New York City, I've definitely been a person that got attacked. I don't want to use the word victimized. I've definitely been subjected to anti-Asian sentiment to a degree. And it doesn't feel good. I'm just looking for some type of—I don't know—catharsis.
Maria S.
People need to understand that Asian women—we're not submissive.
Rio Ejiwandana
I'm feeling really overwhelmed and a little emotionally exhausted from everything that's been going on, especially because it's kind of hard to escape it on social media and the news cycle—not that people should be trying to escape it. But as an Asian American person, seeing reminders of these violent crimes over and over again can be pretty draining.
Julie Rhee
It's sad that it has to come to this. Right now, I want everyone to respect diversity and love everyone. We're in this together, and blaming one culture or ethnicity is just not right.
Jimmy Duong
I've never felt like this before. We've all experienced racism for so long, but I've never felt this kind of fear and pain. Just coming here, I had to decide between paying for a Lyft or taking a chance of being called "chink" or "gook" on the transit. It's terrifying. I'm scared for my family. My dad just bought a cane just to protect himself. I'm relieved that he's taking precaution to stay safe. But I'm angry that he doesn't feel safe after being an immigrant for 50 years.
What brings me out here tonight is the overwhelming grief that we're all feeling. Sometimes part of the healing is being with the people who share our pain. We're also all just trying to speak out about the injustice and make up for all the people who are being silent about what is happening to our community.
I want people to speak up. For so long people have been silent about our pain. People think violence on Asian people means it's an Asian problem, but it's not. It's a white supremacy problem.
White allies, this is your fight too. It should be close to home not because you have Asian friends or you eat Asian food, but because you're white and this is white supremacy. When we say stop Asian hate, we're talking to you. You need to take action because we can't do this alone.
Emily Tan
Today, surrounded by everyone here, I feel less alone, and I definitely feel safer. I feel hopeful that things will actually change and things will get, I don't know if necessarily get better fast, but I feel a little better than I did yesterday. I was a hot mess yesterday.
Augee Francisco
I'm angry, I’m mad and I feel helpless. And I keep asking the never-ending question: Why? Nobody is entitled to take someone else’s life. Nobody has the right to hurt anyone. Why is this happening? And why us? Why Asians? Don't we feed you? Don't we take care of you? Don't we help the economy? Why? Did we do anything to hurt you?
Growing up, I had the same struggle, being Igorot, being Indigenous People. I was targeted and bullied. That struggle when I was young and up to this day, I was called Chinks, Ni-Hao, Virus, and looked down on because of my slanting eyes and skin color. Seeing this is happening again, history repeating, I should not feel like that is OK. Because that is not OK. But I live with it for years in my life.
As Asians, we are trained to be polite and obedient, we don't believe in using violence, but we knew how to use our force. Our strength is our unity, our respect, and our loving care. Those are the tools I'm planning to share and show as my participation. To awaken our sisters and brothers to halt the silence, to care and show love to our elders who get targeted, to our sisters who get murdered. Our respect to them doesn't end by just paying respect to their wake, but to pay respect to make sure that there are no more incidents like this that will happen on our watch.
This fight is for me and all my Asian sisters and brothers. And for the future generation, there will be no more fight for equality and no more pain, that our future generations will not feel this way.
Joey Golja
Being an Asian American right now makes what’s happening hit closer to home. I am feeling the same way as I felt during all the other racial injustices from the Black Lives Matter movement to when Mexican immigrants were being targeted by ICE. Now that Asians are being targeted, I can’t help but think of my mom and all my loved ones who might be in danger. I have been called Hispanic, Hawaiian, European, Samoan, Middle Eastern, which shows that, at the end of the day, we are all just human. You might profile someone as a specific race, but at the end of the day, you can be completely wrong.
It’s sad to say but this is something we have been dealing with forever. It’s also motivating me to take a stand in a way that shows unification in our community. It doesn’t help that our former president blamed Asians for the virus and called it a Chinese virus. I can’t help but feel like that instigated any violence towards us. It’s sad to say but sometimes it takes things like this for people to come together and create some real change.
Lugao Kasberg
My heart is heavy and still processing this horrific tragedy. As a mixed Asian American, I see my mother, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, cousins, nieces, nephews, friends, and community—it’s emotional and truly heartbreaking. You can feel the deep anger and hurt within our Asian American communities as so many of us came here to the United States for a better life and too often met with racism. I do feel a great sense of strength and sustenance within our Asian American community, along with our indigenous, black, brown and white sisters and brothers, as we’re coming together in solidarity to continue this work to end racism, discrimination, hate crimes and bring forward true equality, equity and peace.
In this moment with hate crimes against AAPI on the rise it’s so important for us to stay strong and safe while out, especially if you’re protesting—travel in groups. I want to encourage our Asian American community to continue practicing self-care as your mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing is top priority. For people looking to stand in solidarity with Asian Americans, please educate yourself on biases and the history of discrimination against Asian Americans in this country—all this is critical to dismantling racism and ending hate within yourself, family and community. We are one.
Angela Tang
I was born here in America and I grew up in an Asian household speaking Chinese to my family. I would say I am more or less "Americanized" I guess, so I didn't really embrace the Asian side of me outside of being with my family. It was just a part of me and never a talking point that I myself would bring up, and when it was, it was a stereotype thing and I almost always just brushed it off when it came up.
Right now, I feel like being Asian is some sort of a target. When the spike in violence started, my first thought was my grandma. First, it was dangerous for her to go out because of the virus, but now it's dangerous because people are discriminating and targeting the older generation because they can't defend themselves. As everything continues and people are sharing stories it's very evident that it's targeting the Asian community and a large portion are Asian women. On the back of my mind, I'm cautious when I'm out and about by myself especially when it's dark out, but now on top of that, being an Asian woman, it's just a scary thought to think of the situations that can come up. The constant nervousness my family has about me being out totally makes sense especially in a time like this.
Everyone is speaking up and communities are supporting us and it's really heart-warming to have this overwhelming support. It is heart-wrenching to see and hear all the stories that are shared right now, but as a community, we are supporting each other, and I hope everyone continues to share the love and support.