AUSTIN, Texas – An Austinite opening up about her suicidal past says she looks to the light to clear away the darkness daily.

For Sascha Biesi there is comfort in the little things.

“There’s something grounding about the farm. As soon as I get down here I feel better,” Biesi said.

For her, a daily conflict rages in her mind. One side allows her to see the light in the world, the other wants to shut it out.

“For me, I feel like if I’m not here I don’t have the chance to get better. If I’m not here, I’m robbing myself of being able to have hope,” said Biesi.

To this day, Biesi battles demons and in 2009 it seemed like they had won.

“I weighed less than 100 pounds; I had been hospitalized several times. I lived in a closet for a while, I had lived in a tent for while, I had a young child at the time. It was hard,” Biesi said.

While Biesi said there is no happy ending as her demons don’t go away, neither does her hope for the future.

“If I had killed myself all those years ago I wouldn’t been able to watch my child grow up or start a company,” Biesi said.

Some days are still harder than others.

“Every day is a decision to stay alive. Every day is a decision to keep fighting,” said Biesi.

Sometimes the only thing that matters is making it one more day. Biesi said things can get better even if she doesn’t believe it some days.

“If you’re here you have the chance to make it better,” Biesi said.​

HELPFUL INFORMATION:

• Integral Care’s 24/7 Crisis Helpline at 512-472-HELP (4357). 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to provide immediate support.

• Integral Care’s Psychiatric Emergency Services

A walk-in mental health urgent care clinic for adults and children located at 1165 Airport Blvd. Open Monday through Friday from 8am to 10pm and Saturday, Sunday and holidays from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m.