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Mike, played by Gerard Butler, is a ranting Neanderthal lout who rises out of the swamp of public-access TV to land a segment on a local news show in Sacramento. On the air, he sounds like Andrew Dice Clay spiced with the hormonal sensitivity of Bob Guccione.

Mike's producer, Abby, is played by Katherine Heigl, and she, of course, is a priggish control freak who treats her prospective boyfriends like job applicants. As these two bicker and claw, they sound like dueling magazines.

The movie should have been called "When Maxim Met Cosmo." But then, assuming you've spun past the utterly implausible notion that a local news station would ever hire a guy like Mike, a second contrivance kicks in: He tries to win over Abby by coaching her on how to land a man.

At around this point, the movie turns into "When Clueless Met Porky's." Can you feel the love? "The Ugly Truth" isn't fizzy and fun; it's snappy and vacuous.

Butler, the gruffly bearded Scottish hunk from "300," comes off here as a potato-faced Russell Crowe with a lot less charm. He doesn't so much enunciate his words as masticate them, tearing into each scene as if he were devouring a 20-ounce steak.

Butler and Heigl certainly generate sexual chemistry. But does that mean they're right for each other? Or just ripe for an empty hot fling? Mike thinks a woman like Abby needs a caveman to shake her up. He also thinks that's a finger in the eye of conventional wisdom.

The ugly truth is that it's the ultimate chick-flick cliché.